by Michele Battiste

One, you never listen.

Two, though numerous attempts have been made 

to domesticate the zebra, success was rare, short-lived, 

and resulted in some nasty bites.

Three, the pool needs repairs – complicated

ones requiring scientists and certified technicians.

Four, sediment along small sections

of the Hudson River indicates a species

of trilobites that would not take 

the consequences of evolution seriously.

Five, nothing is more lethal than a pair

of Marc Jacob stilettos and a $50 updo.

Six, Catherine Parr, Henry’s sixth wife (his third

Catherine), survived him and two other husbands – 

not a proper example of natural selection, but a lovely

one of endurance.

Seven, half of the 50 species of frogs discovered

by Joseph R. Mendelson became extinct in the last

seventeen years.

Eight, at a temperature of 3,500 degrees Celsius, 

a diamond will evaporate, demonstrating that forever

is a huckster’s scheme.

Nine, women can have their floating ribs removed

to achieve a more feminine hourglass figure.

Ten, the college reunion revealed tragedy

after tragedy.

Eleven, human population growth, like that of deer when lacking 

a predator, is moderated by starvation and disease.

Twelve, an old Hungarian saying goes like this: when raising 

children, one child is one child, two children are ten.

Three again, the last person who swam

had a devastating breaststroke.

Thirteen, no one ever listens.